You are irrevocably changed, in the sweetest, head-over-heels, all-in, never-stopping way. That’s the beauty and the fierceness and the strength of your love. You will ache maybe a little less, but I’ve heard from those much, much further down the road than I, the longing will never, ever, ever leave. Friend, you will heal, just not in the way the world wants you. They were not a broken bone, they are a piece of our hearts, and now a piece of our hearts is gone. On the days when the world tells you to “heal” and “move on”, friend, healing from loss doesn’t look like healing from an injury. You’ve been through too much to put on a face, and healing doesn’t come when we are living under a facade. On the days when you feel like you could burst from anger and pain, go somewhere alone, cry it out, curse at the sky- there’s nothing worse than having to fake it. Know that they are still real, they were still here, and they are still yours. On the days when no one but you mentions their name, I am so, so sorry. On the days when you try your hardest to pull yourself together, and somehow things just don’t work out, give yourself grace. On the days when it’s all you can do just to function, that’s okay.

If I could “fix” this, I would move mountains. There are losses in this life that can never be replaced, and having them with you is at the top of the list. I know you wish you could just smell them one more time, see their face one more time, kiss them and then freeze that moment so it would last forever. I know you would give every ounce of you to save every ounce of them, one thousand times over. I know you would breathe them in till you no longer had any breath in you. How I wish I could place them back in your arms. How I wish I could make you feel at home again.

I know you would give anything for just for one more second.

I know the weight of it all is suffocating, soul-crushing, devastating, and earth-shattering in every way possible. I know this is your worst nightmare realized.

A Child's Wish by Lexi Ander